It's Raining Ben!

MAY SHOWS - Two full sets in NYC

2011-04-29T09:43:00.000-07:00

TWO FULL NYC SETS!!! In May, two presenters have invited me to perform half-hour sets. Come out and have some laughs. Your support means everything to me. The first one is this Sunday. Please join me!

Sun. May 1 -- 1/2 set -- 7:30 PM
Fontana's, FREE!
105 Eldridge Street, NYC
Intimate downstairs performance space

Sat. May 21 -- 1/2 set -- 8 PM
Googie's Lounge, FREE Upstairs @ the Living Room
154 Ludlow Street, NYC
Before and after me, three AMAZING ukulele players

UPCOMING PERFORMANCES
I'm also on a bunch of great upcoming showcases with some of New York's best comedians. Check out these shows!

Wed. May 4, 8 PM
Sacapuntas, $5
Bowery Poetry Club 308 Bowery, NYC
w/ Tom Shillue, Todd Womack, Ben Lerman, Ted Alexandro and special guest!
Bowery Poetry ECNY-nominated show
hosted by Ray DeVito and Dan Allen

Wed. May 11, 7 PM
Connotations, free
Luca Lounge 222 Avenue B, NYC
hosted by Selena Coppock

Thurs. May 12
10 PM Beaches 2, $5
Under St. Marks Theater 94 St. Marks Pl, NYC I'm hosting for this HILARIOUS sketch group! This month's theme is After School Specials

Friday May 13, 9:30 PM
Funny & Furry, $10
Broadway Comedy Club 318 West 53rd Street, NYC
Part of "Urban Bear Weekend"
Leave your honey pot at home, and come woof at me! Hosted by Neil Thornton Wed. May 25, 8 PM How I Learned About... Sex, free Happy Ending 302 Broome Street, NYC
FANTASTIC storytelling performance series
hosted by Blaise Kearsley
This month's theme is SEX!

Friday, May 27, 7:30 PM
The Loose Caboose, $5
Bowery Poetry Club
308 Bowery NYC Vaudvillian throwback variety show
hosted by Shane Web

Friday June 3, 8 PM
Hot Soup, free
O'Hanlon's Bar
349 E 14th St, NYC
Popular East Village comedy showcase
Hosted by Mark Normand, Andy Haines, David Cope, and Matt Ruby

I'm a huge TV celebrity now, right?

2011-04-06T10:37:00.001-07:00

Dear television watchers,

Being a huge TV celebrity has radically changed my life. The music video for "Ben Lerman Plays Ukulele" will air tonight, Wednesday, April 6, at 1:30 AM, on Logo TV's music video show, "New Now Next." Set your DVRs and watch the fame seep into my face — my beautiful, famous, televised face.

Yours in celebrity,
Ben

Atom.com releases "Ben Lerman Plays Ukulele"

2010-12-22T07:57:00.000-08:00

Atom Short Films Channel
Tags: Atom.com | Funny Videos | Tournament | Upload

Directed by David Fishel. Art direction by Jen Dunlap. Starring Len Berman, Frank DeCaro, Jim Colucci, Tanya O'Debra, Jason Quarles, and Delilah Kistler. Big thanks to everyone who donated to my Kickstarter project.

McCain Stands Defiant at the Pentagon Door

2010-12-06T12:21:00.001-08:00

Smoke a reefer

2010-11-30T10:05:00.000-08:00

I feel like I got a contact buzz from watching Cab Calloway's hair fly around the screen.

For Love or Country

2010-11-10T04:20:00.001-08:00

I'm loving every single song on Time Magazine's List of the "Top 10 Ridiculous Country Songs." (*With the exception of "She Thinks My Tractor Is Sexy," though the title is funny.) These are almost all comedy songs, and the videos star comic actors like Jason Alexander and Rob Schneider.

Most country music—and here lies a strong tie to hip-hop—is a story-telling medium. It's the lyrics that move the music and not the other way around. I love a good story song, the more absurd, the better. I mean it's no secret that I love a certain Riskay song.

Though they skipped Toby Keith's "You Ain't Much Fun (Since I Quit Drinkin')" that's the type of country song they picked. But some of country's most hilarious stories are the gut-twistin' tales of Appalachia's most downtrodden souls. One of my favorites is Reba's "Fancy":

It Gets Fatter

2010-10-13T07:43:00.001-07:00

Here's a video I made as my entry into Dan Savage's "It Gets Better" Project:

I'm a Refugee Girl!!! (in a new play by Jena Friedman)

2010-09-22T10:54:00.000-07:00

You should come see the Refugee Girls Revue! I'm in this political satirical musical, playing a 12-year-old girl in a wheelchair. It's really funny and smart. And it's got 3 performances left: the remaining 3 Saturdays in August. I play all the piano and I ACT! What? Yep.

written by Jena Friedman

with me, Jessica Delfino, Shawn Hollenbach, Ben Kissel, Calise Hawkins, Shauna Pinkett, Jeff Ashworth, Chance Blakely, Roy Koshy, and William Von Vogt.

Saturdays October 16, 23, 30
10 PM, $10
Theatre 80
80 Saint Marks Pl.
New York, NY 10009

Abe Vigoda isn't dead

2010-08-21T05:35:00.000-07:00

The actor Abe Vigoda from 70s/80s sitcoms Barney Miller and Fish is still alive. If you're interested in keeping tabs on his living status, you can check daily at abevigoda.com.

However, if you're interested in seeing the band Abe Vigoda, you can go see them tonight in Brooklyn. I'm looking forward to a fun show. It's been a while since I've been to a rock show, with comedy shows dominating my social calendar, and it's about damn time. Looking forward to jumping around and sweating on strangers tonight at Death By Audio.

Phoning it in

2010-08-19T11:35:00.000-07:00

Andrew Andrew, popular iPad DJs on East Village Radio—and new friends of mine—are "iPhoning it in." In other words, they've been hired by Time Out New York to watch NYC Fringe shows and immediately upload video reviews. And they're doing it all on their iPhone 4. It's more like an exit poll than a review, but it's pretty cool to phone in a video review. Andrew Andrew have the persona and depth to entertain and inform, but I sincerely hope that this practice is not democratized.

Tonight Andrew Andrew iPod DJs are hosting a dance party, and (SPOILER!) they've asked me to be their special surprise musical guest. I'm going to light up the room with a little "SYD."

andrewandrew, the iPAD DJs, invAAde B.E.S.

	8/19/10 - 9:00pm - 2:00am

	boutique eat shop 559 West 22nd Street @ 11th Avenue New York, NY

Final Two Provincetown Shows + Drag Kickball

2010-07-15T12:55:00.000-07:00

I'm in the home stretch. The last couple of shows have been amazing. Sold out! (Varla Jean Merman is sold out, rather, so people are buying tickets to me show. Tee hee!)

Two shows left: Saturday and Sunday at 10:30. No trip to Cape Cod is complete without seeing my Saturday and Sunday shows at the Art House at 10:30 PM. I hope there are still tickets left for you!

I'm super excited for DRAG KICKBALL!!!! On Saturday I'm joining the the team opposite the Ptown Drag Queens. I know it's never a good idea to fight drag queens -- just look what happened to the police at the Stonewall Inn. Still, I'm a vicious kickball player. I always aim for the weave.

description from Cape Cod Today -- Drag kickball is back! This favorite summer community event, featuring the third kickball game between the Kickers and Provincetown's best entertainers is family friendly and raffle and refreshments will be available.
Drag Kickball 3 will benefit Helping Our Women. HOW is a non-profit organization located in Provincetown that provides advocacy, financial assistance and support to Outer Cape Cod women diagnosed with chronic, life threatening illness and disabling conditions. Kickoff @ 3pm gates open at 2PM.

John Regan III's HOT D8 Orlando

2010-07-13T06:28:00.000-07:00

Yes! The first user-submitted HOT D8 photos are in, and they were sent by Orlando dreamboat John Regan. He rocks, and he sent in 13 photos of hilariousness. All gr8 ones and some of the models are from the Orlando Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. Work!

Check out the new photos here.

Sun Work

2010-07-12T13:07:00.000-07:00

Barking at people to sing at them on stage.

It's not the easiest job in the world. It has extremes of being amazing and awful.

Then you get a day off and realize you're in temperate paradise. But you wonder if it's worth it.

Then, unexpectedly, Tom Judson (in "Canned Ham," f.k.a. porn star Gus Maddox) brings you a homemade brownie. This is the universe telling you that you have made some correct choices. Tom's show is fantastic. If you, like me, have been waiting for your chance to hear one man's musical journey through porn and escort service careers, get to Provincetown this summer and see Tom's show on Sundays and Mondays at the Art House.

The Family Friendly Show & Captain Erica Save-A-Ho

2010-07-06T21:57:00.000-07:00

I played a show at the Art House Theater in Provincetown for a disparate group. Some gay couples, some lesbian couples, a group of Williamsburgian hipsterish 20-somethings, and parents with their three kids, 16, 19, and 22. I met the parents earlier in the day and warned them that the show was inappropriate for kids, but they said it depended on the kid. Some kids are just mature enough to handle that kind of stuff—but in front of their parents?

I said, "I have a song called, 'Pig Fucker.'" They said, "Perfect." The 16-year-old blond boy sat by himself in one of the couches in the front row with his family right behind him. I decided not to play "Pig Fucker" when I saw him sitting there. Still, I played "Pussy Pantry," "Vagine," "Oxygen," and "Smell Yo Dick," songs with seriously parent-unfriendly content. They didn't flinch. I would have squirmed out of the theater at 16 if my parents were in the room. That's a cool family. His eyes were wide open through the whole show.

Sometimes the universe aligns things so it is hard to be anything but grateful. At the very last chord of my first song ("Ben Lerman Plays Ukulele") I popped the bass D string on my baritone ukulele. Boy-yoy-yoing. Uh, oh.

I said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we have reached a turning point in the show where things could truly go either way." I picked up the soprano ukulele, scrambling in my mind to remember what songs I could play on it. Could I fill a whole show with just the soprano? "This is going to be an adventure ladies and gentlemen, so please come along with me on a musical journey down I-Don't-Know-What-The-Fuck-Is-About-To-Happen Avenue."

Before I could start the first song, Zach chimed in from the sound booth. (I encourage Zach to talk to me during the show.) He asked me if I had more strings. I've popped a string twice before. Nylon strings just don't go easily. With my inexperience, it would take me 20 minutes. Zach asked the audience if there was anyone there who could change a guitar string. I had been hassling the cool lesbians who work at the Art House Theater and live upstairs from me to come to the show. Thank god they waited and came to this show because I was in trouble, and Erica, who sells tickets at the box office quickly turned into Captain Save-A-Ho.

She came up to the stage, sat Indian style, and restrung the baritone while I played two songs on the soprano. It was like some sort of lesbro miracle. Erica is amazing. She got mad skills. It's comforting to know that my lesbros got my back.

Provincetown Patriots!

2010-07-05T07:45:00.001-07:00

My shows in Provincetown have been great so far. I'm performing at the Art House Theater (to more straight people than I thought I would). Last night, a guy in his early 50s sang "Smell Yo Dick" to his wife. She kissed him. Romance lives!

My friend Stanley will march for me... Stanley Cup, that is

2010-06-26T06:35:00.000-07:00

I won't be in Chicago on Sunday to watch the parade. I'm headed to Cleveland to do a show. And I'm not big on parades anyway. However, this year, Chicago sports outlets are doing their part to end gay locker room panic, and I find it inspiring.

The Chicago Cubs are sending a float down Halstead & Broadway, with baseball icon Ernie Banks waving to gay fans. But the current sports star of Chicago is the Stanley Cup. Hawks defenceman, Brent Sopel will be at the parade with his wife and kids, waving at gay hockey fans as well as other gay people who wonder why the fuck this family has a giant punch bowl with no margaritas in it. Sopel says he's marching to honor the memory of out hockey manager, Brendan Burke, who died in a car accident in February, two years after coming out to his dad, Toronto Maple Leafs manager, Brian Burke. Two days ago, however, the Hawks traded Sopel to the Atlanta Thrashers. Still, he'll be representing straight Chicago, and in a sense all professional sports in saying, "No big deal if you check our packages in the locker room." :-)

An open letter to Adam Bouska: NO H8, HOT D8, CAN'T W8 to get married

2010-06-23T09:41:00.000-07:00

Dear Adam Bouska,

I think the best of you, and I am a fan of the NOH8 Campaign. The photos are stunning, and the message is great. Your pictures have appeared on FOX News, Bravo TV, and countless other media outlets. And still, the anti-prop 8 message is not reaching everyone.

I am a comedian, and it is my job to look at popular culture and comment on it. I created a satirical response to the NOH8 Camapaign. It's called the HOT D8 Campaign. Is it funny? I think so. But, comedy, like photography or any other form of expression, is subjective. Some people will think it is, and some people won't. I sincerely hope that you take it in good stride and know that we are completely on the same team in a fight against H8. That's why I'm donating a portion of my tour proceeds to Marriage Equality USA and I'm encouraging others to do so too.

My HOT D8 Campaign has been featured on some blogs, and I'm taking some serious abuse at the hands of armchair critics. The backstreets of Internetville, USA, are not safe. People have said some very personal, nasty things about me. As a fan of irony, I am a little tickled by the bashing I'm getting from people defending something called the NOH8 Campaign. We are merely having some fun with the striking images you've created.

For the record, I hope that our campaign and any attention we get from it only serves to further our mutual goal: marriage equality.

All of my love to you always and forever,
Ben Lerman

P.S. Will you marry me, Adam?

Me and Thin Skin Johnny at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre

2010-05-31T08:01:00.000-07:00

Y'all come down to UCB on Friday, June 4, at midnight and see a great show for only $5. Me and Thin Skin Johnny are splitting an hour in "FUNNY as FOLK."

Wishing Isherwoodn't have reviewed Bloodsong of Love

2010-04-19T08:15:00.000-07:00

A friend is coming to town and asked me for a theater recommendation. I recommended Bloodsong of Love, a delightfully twisted, blood-soaked parody of a spaghetti western with a catchy, memorable inventory of great country-rock songs. When I googled it to find a link to send my friend, I was shocked at the bad reviews I found in Variety and the New York Times.

By being way smarter than most people, Christopher Isherwood has lodged a huge stick up his ass and missed the point entirely. Isherwood has seen too many shows, and now he can no longer distinguish between good ones and bad ones. His review of Bloodsong is overly analytical and way too short on praise. Here is a show filled with great music, great performances and great joy. Maybe the show "simply soldiers on without acknowledging its contradictions, mixing a mostly straight-up country-rock score with goofball comedy willy-nilly." Who gives a shit, Isherwood? It's like I was watching a different show. The show I saw reveled in its own contradictions. It's a post-modern, self-referential, joyful explosion of song that delighted in manipulating every cliché in the book.

I'm a little outraged. And for the record, I don't know any of the people involved in the production, save the artistic director of the theater. I have absolutely nothing invested in the success of this production. I walked in with no expectations, and I walked out thoroughly entertained. I'm still singing the melodies.

This is a purely original work that will get a fraction of the attention showered on commercial Broadway adaptations like Legally Blonde, Xanadu, etc. Why does Isherwood feel the need to shit on the first musical of an indie artist? Is he dead inside? How was he unable to reflect the joy of this show in his review?

Isherwood's review is misleading. He's using his influence to lead people away from this independent show and directly to bullshit like the huge dump that Twila Tharp took on Frank Sinatra's music at the Marriott Marquis. People will automatically go to shows like that, regardless of the reviews. (A friend gave me a ticket.)

Are there flaws in the show? Yes. Is it perfect? No. Is it incredibly entertaining? Yes. Is it exciting to see someone's brilliant work at the beginning of their career? Mos def. Go see it before it closes on May 9. I'm going to see it again. I need to hear some of those great songs again. You will not get to see a better show such an intimate space. It's fantastic. Isherwood needs to lighten up.

Meet your match

2010-03-24T14:23:00.000-07:00

Everyone's favorite NY1 news anchor, Mr. Pat Kiernan is joining us at 92Y Tribeca. Come down and join in the fun. Here's the blurbitude:

Get tickets!
Match Game Live
Thursday, March 25, 9 PM, $12
92 Y Tribeca
200 Hudson St. NYC

Charles Nelson Reilly and shag carpeting are gone forever, but 92Y Tribeca and Comedy Below Canal have assembled some of New York's finest improvisors, comedians and celebrities as panelists on a live revival of the best TV game show that ever was, Match Game! Join in on the fun on Thursday, March 25, when Match Game Live asks contestants to match the panel by supplying the missing word from a sentence. Contestants will be selected from the audience to compete for fabulous prizes! Come play a game of logic and intuition while laughing your blank off.

Starring
Pat Kiernan (NY1 anchor, PatsPapers.com)
Judy Gold (HBO, Comedy Central)
Michael Musto (Village Voice)
Sara Schaefer (Late Night with Jimmy Fallon)
Frank DeCaro (Sirius XM, The Daily Show)
Jessica Delfino ("I Wanna Be Famous")
and your host Ben Lerman (Here TV, Logo)

South Park Idol

2010-03-23T18:49:00.000-07:00

I love me some Bowersox. But sometimes she reminds me a little bit of Mrs. Crabtree from South Park.

Frank's Problem

2010-02-12T14:46:00.000-08:00

Frank DeCaro was 20 minutes late for his own radio show today. I was his guest at the top of the show, so I was waiting for him. But Frank is so fun to be around that it doesn't matter. He's a hoot. He's actually late most of the time. Frequent listeners of his show know that they play a "Frank's late again" reel full of his ridiculous excuses dubbed over Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time." His co-host and foil, Doria Biddle scolds him, and the listeners are treated to their favorite flamboyant hero getting a talk from his "Tough Love Lesbo." Frank asked me to write an opening number for their Oscars pre-show. I love it when Frank gives me a songwriting challenge!

My winter tour

2010-01-14T11:39:00.000-08:00

I left my house before Thanksgiving, and just got back home on Sunday. It was a wild ride full of ups and downs...

November 29 - Chicago - Hamburger Mary's
I love playing here, and this was my fifth show at Mary's Attic, the adorable cabaret venue above Hamburger Mary's. I was afraid that on the Holiday weekend (the Saturday after Thanksgiving) I wouldn't be able to draw a crowd. But we ended up packing the place. Dan Telfer, a brilliant Chicago comedian, founder of Chicago Underground Comedy (CHUC), hosted the show. And my favorite lady in Chi-town, Miss Cameron Esposito opened. So much fun. I made a few other comedy stops in Chicago, performing at CHUC, Bryan Babylon's show on Vocolo radio (broadcast from the Chicago Public Radio studios), and the most fun, laid-back, freewheeling comedy show in Chicago, "Entertaining Julia," hosted by the one and only Puterbaugh Sisters.

December 2 - Heathrow Airport - DEPORTED!
Things took a turn for the depressing when I was detained and deported from the UK. I played the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in the UK in August, playing a show everyday for a month. No permit was required, so went I traveled to the UK to visit a boy and booked three little shows over a period of two weeks, I didn't think I needed a permit. I was wrong. Dead wrong. When the surly UK border agent started grilling me about my intention to play shows, I realized it was not cool. But it was too late at this point to effectively lie. I got the boy on the phone to plead my case, but they were not sympathetic. They gave me a 48-hour pass, so I did get to see the boy briefly, before they deported me back to NYC. I had sublet my apartment, so I found myself in the situation of being deported AND homeless. I spent the night at Keith and Chemda's house, sharing my deportation story on their show, then flew to Chicago. I spent the next two weeks, laying low at my sister's house. It was nice to be around family coming off such an epic failure. And Alice put me to work at her store. She needed the help, and it was nice to feel useful. :-(

December 17 - Austin, Texas - Ruta Maya
I mostly travel when I want to visit friends, and I have some great friends in Austin, Meg and Eric. They live way out in the woods outside of Austin, and they have huge studio space nearby. Meg is selling her drawings in galleries around the world, and Eric just invented a new drum called the Black Swan. My show in Austin was at a cool venue called the Ruta Maya. Great room, and I was lucky enough to open up for a S&M-theater-rock, Weimar-inspired 6-piece band called Mistress Stephanie & Her Melodic Cat along with ukulele-playing showstopper, L una Tart. Luna's act reminded me of one of my favorites: Madeleine Kahn's character in Blazing Saddles.

Houston - Dec. 18 - Notsuoh, Dec. 23 - Super Happy Fun Land
Sometimes I get treated to performing in the most odd venues. Notsuoh is a little bar with a stage, owned and operated by Jim Pirtle, a painter and former performance artist. Notsuoh has a lot of history in downtown Houston. It was a shoe store (hence the thousands of shoe boxes stacked up in the joint), a dance club, a coffe shop, and now a crazy bar full of crazy, artsy people. Jim told me that he once performed a performance art piece where he ate a jar of mayonnaise on stage, vomited it up, and put a cherry on top with "Close to You" by the Carpenters playing in the background. Clearly a statement on consumerism and the undercurrent malaise in America. Or something. Sounded pretty horrible and amazing. I also met Kelly and Kara in Houston, and they are awesome. When I came back through Houston to play at Super Happy Fun Land, I was gonna just stay at a hotel. But Kara and Kelly offered to put me up at their house for the night. Was really awesome. They're good peeps, Kara's a graphic designer with her own company, and Kelly is a structural engineer for a ship manufacturing company. Shit like that makes me want to go back to Houston, just to hang with them again. At one point during the night, the burglar alarm malfunctioned and a blaring siren went off for about a half hour before they got it to stop. They apologized profusely, but it was kind of funny watching them run furiously up and down the four-story house trying to restore order. At Super Happy Fun Land, I met punk band, The Pelly Rogers. These teenagers had me sign a giant wooden penis and proceeded to play a set of aggressive punk anthems that shook my old bones to the core. Took me back to when I was just a little 20-something trolling punk shows in New York, running into Joan Jett who was trolling for young punk girls. Super Happy Fun Land is a crazy venue on the edge of industrial wasteland Houston. They were serving some sort of Hobo Stew that looked really delicious, garnished with Fritos. Yummo!

December 22 - New Orleans - Le Chat Noir
This might have been the best show I've ever had. Great audience, great venue, great MONEY!!! Le Chat Noir is a beautiful cabaret theater. I arrived in New Orleans on Saturday and Jessica Halem and Red, my hosts had a little football party. The Saints were playing, and were crushed, but that didn't stop us from heading out dancing after. Jessica and Red were going to host me at their house, but their next-door neighbors were out of town and needed someone to watch their cats. So I had a beautiful one-bedroom apartment to myself. Lucky. I went out every night in New Orleans and had an amazing time. The day before my show, I called Tulane University's radio station and ended up doing a live, in-studio performance on Miss Behavior's catch-all show. Le Chat Noir is an amazing place, home to a bunch of great shows. If you visit New Orleans, be sure to stop in for a show there. Jessica Halem is such a pleasure to know. Sometimes, the universe aligns itself just right and you end up making new friends that you're gonna know forever. In this case, Marga Gomez made the match. I'm so grateful to Marga but not just for this...

Altered grafitti

2009-11-04T10:02:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite things in the whole wide world is when people have a conversation via graffiti. When I was 17 I remember reading the following interchange on a desk in the Notre Dame University library.

Person 1: "God is dead." —Nietzsche
Person 2: "Nietzsche is dead." —God

I thought that was the most hilarious thing I'd ever read at or on a library desk. A few years ago I saw where someone had written in a toilet, "Free Mumia" and someone else had modified it to read "Free Mumias to the first 100 customers!"

I just saw this photo of a piece of public art by British artist Banksy and it made me smile. Who doesn't want a complimentary wine of their choice? Such smart and funny political humor! Banksy does a lot of prints and paintings as well as public art, see below.

I'm featured on Gay.com today...

2009-10-28T15:00:00.000-07:00

Scroll down. Below the shirtless people. There. The chubby guy with the ukulele. It reminds me of that old Electric Company song "One of these things is not like the other." It's the time I was on TV singing "Pig Fucker." Right underneath a clip from a gay vampire drama called "The Lair."

http://www.gay.com/

I guess it's probably just today I'll be featured on the home page. The permanent link is here:

http://www.gay.com/watch/388/Hot+Gay+Comics:+Ben+-+Clip+1

October Stuff

2009-10-24T02:06:00.000-07:00

I'm excited for Match Game Live tomorrow. We've got Christian Finnegan, Chris March, Jessica Delfino, Becky Donohue, Robbyne Kaamil, and Eric Kirchberger on the panel. And I'm going to wear a leisure suit that I found at Goodwill in South Bend, Indiana, for $1.87. It's hunter green with white stitching, a real beaut. I wish I had white leather shoes and white leather cap. Maybe I'll find a white turtleneck somewhere today. I think Brandon and Jillian are joining the theme to do some sort of Mod Squad trio... we'll see. Meanwhile, I haven't written a single question for the show yet. Whoops. S'ok. I work best under pressure. It'll happen.

I was just on the Keith and the Girl show on Monday and you can listen to it here. We talked about the Balloon Boy a lot and I sang "Eating Love." They are super awesome. I fucked up and overbooked the Match Game show. They were really nice about it, and offered to bow out so that I wouldn't have conflict with the other comics. That's class, my friends.

Marga Gomez has been visiting New York and she's getting an award on Monday. I think it's some recognition of her being a cool Latina over a certain period of time. I will get to the bottom of it and find out exactly what the award is for. I'm very excited to fly out to San Francisco and play her big New Year's Eve show at the Victoria Theater. It's gonna rock.

I've finalized my plans to play in Austin, Houston, and New Orleans in late December so that's going to be awesome. Really great venues, especially "Le Chat Noir" in New Orleans.

Match Game Live is back!

2009-09-26T11:12:00.000-07:00

TOMORROW! - SUNDAY, SEPT. 27 - Match Game Live is back! We've got some of New Yorks funniest writers, comedians, and improvisers, coming down to the Bowery Poetry Club. Plus there will be $2 PBRs to knock back. Come on down and match the stars!

Facebook Event Page - http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=139664334428

Match Game Live has had a refreshing summer break full of Quaaludes and disco music. All summer we remained perched precariously near the edge of a pool of our own vomit. And we are relieved to be going back to work for you, our lovely audience and contestants. Village Voice big shot Michael Musto returns to the fold along with Sara Benincasa, Jessica Delfino, and hilarious newcomers Joe Garden, John DeVore, and Claudia Cogan.

We ask contestants to match the panel by supplying the missing word from an innuendo-loaded sentence. Contestants will be selected from the audience to compete for fabulous prizes. Come play a game of wordplay and humor while laughing your blank off.

Your hilarious celebutard panelists for September:
Michael Musto (Village Voice)
Sara Benincasa (Sirius Radio, 236.com, MTV)
John Devore (Playboy.com, Cracked.com)
Claudia Cogan (HereTV, Logo, AfterEllen.com)
Joe Garden (The Onion, The New Vampire's Handbook)
Jessica Delfino (Good Morning America, Fox News)
hosted by Ben Lerman (Sirius Radio, HereTV)

GLOWING review! Four and a 1/2 stars from Fringe Guru

2009-08-30T06:28:00.000-07:00

Reviewed by Craig Thomson

Ben Lerman, a New York-based musical comedian, tells an illuminating story. Invited by Cosmopolitan magazine to perform on their digital radio station, Lerman was also hit with a list of restrictions, because "they were familiar with my body of work." With no swearing or mocking of the magazine allowed, he turned to the pages of Cosmo for inspiration, and came up with a lovely number called 'Multiple Orgasm Pam'.

Lerman's body of work, you see, is filthy: hilariously filthy, raucously bawdy, and, er... funnily dirty. It's also most often based on his experiences as a young gay man in New York city. After 'Pam', he announces "that ends the straight sex portion of tonight's show", to the obvious discomfort of some of the young guys sitting by the stage. He does get smuttier and gayer, but he also gets funnier and funnier, and he takes the audience with him. It's a pleasing thought that, every night, the people crammed into the basement of Cafe Renroc take part in a singalong about oral sex.

With some furore recently around the proliferation of offensive comedy, it's important to note that this doesn't really fall into that category. Some people may, understandably, be a little uncomfortable with such frank discussion of sexual matters, but this isn't a show that sets out to offend - it's actually quite tender at points, and is, in a sense, good clean fun. Well, perhaps there's just a smattering of bondage, crystal meth and 'chubby chasers'.

You could also, charitably, assume that the Size Matters title is about the two ukuleles Lerman alternates between. Most often associated on these shores with George Fornby (although he, research shows, actually played a banjolele), Lerman makes excellent use of the "guitar's two-year old baby". Lerman is an extremely talented singer-songwriter, and while some of the numbers are pushing at an open door (I could tell where the American Idol-inspired 'There's an Idol in Me' was headed before the first twang on the uke), he still goes for it at full speed, with nary an anal sex metaphor left unturned.

I kinda feel this is the sort of show about which many people would say "well, it isn't for everyone." Well, dammit, I think this is for everyone - who doesn't want to see this kind of charming, amiable comedian close up? Who doesn't want to take advantage of the best of the Free Fringe? Who doesn't want to laugh along with the story of an internet romance with someone whose online name suggests an "unconventional" relationship with a pig? On the Free Fringe point, be prepared with a sizeable donation: this is better than a lot of stuff you would pay upfront for.

Now, can I get a cookie for not saying "His name is Ben Lerman and he plays the ukulele?" Go see the show, you'll understand.

Woah. Sold out?

2009-08-27T04:56:00.000-07:00

Last night my show was so packed we had to turn people away. I felt bad for the people who came all the way out to Leith, off the beaten track, just to see my show, and then there wasn't room for them. But I felt good for me. It was really fun. If I had tickets for sale, woulda been a sell-out. :-)

Then after the show, I went to perform at a burlesque variety show. The show had been cancelled, but I'd been out all day unable to check email. I arrived with a couple of friends, and there was a small crowd of people who also had not been aware that the show was canceled. Tanya convinced me and the small crowd that I should put on a spontaneous show for them. It was a nice little spirit-of-the-Fringe moment, where a fun little show popped up where there wasn't supposed to be one. The audience was appreciative and generous, and we went out and immediately blew the wad that I made from that second show on sandwiches, cigarettes, and pints of Grolsch.

Four more shows to go. Doing a variety show in just a couple of hours at the City Cafe. Then Tanya is insisting that the two of us get haggis somewhere. I don't know about that. I'm adventurous, but I don't think I can put that in my mouth. At the same time, I'm thinking about opening a chain called Fag Haggis. Could be a real money maker.

Matt Kirshen, Jessica Delfino, Tanya O'Debra, Marga Gomez, Mike Amato

2009-08-24T18:42:00.000-07:00

Matt Kirshen is immediately likable on stage and off. His show is intelligent comedy, storytelling and jokes, taking the piss out of the wrongheaded desire of Brits to watch people fail, constructed into a solid hour show about self-confidence called, Shorter Than Napoleon. Matt was nice enough to give me a pair of tickets. I had a bad night that night, some talkers in the front seats at my show. And then I was late to pick up Chris, visiting me from London. When I was flyering earlier that day, someone called the image on my flyer (a picture of me naked) "disgusting." He repeated himself several times to get his point across. Nice. I was in need of a good laugh, so thank you Matt for cheering me right up. Hilarious. (Judges: 10!)

Jessica Delfino wants to be famous. There's no question about that. But does she want to be my roommate? I don't know. But she is. Until Wednesday. Then she's taking her lovely ass to the Reading and Leeds festival. Am I jealous? You betcha. Saw her show again this weekend. I love it every time. Don't know all of her songs by heart yet, but I'm getting there. (Judges: 10!)

Tanya O'Debra, formerly of the O'Debra Twins, strikes out on her own here in Edinburgh with an original 40s-era radio whodunnit called "Radio Star." I was worried that I wasn't going to like Tanya's theater piece for a couple of reasons: 1. Cafe Renroc (we're at the same venue) doesn't lend itself well to a theatrical production and 2. I had never seen Tanya perform by herself for such a long time. My fears were totally unfounded. Miss O'Debra's "Radio Star" is fantastic. She performs no less than six distinct voices, controls the sound effects with her laptop as well as a couple of live sound effects (a mini-door that she opens and shuts, and shoes for audible footsteps walking to and away from the action). In the end you remember more the strength of her performance than the plot, but the script is loaded with laugh lines. (Judges: 10!)

Marga Gomez in "All that Gomez" is performing nightly to sold-out crowds. I was lucky to get a seat at her show last night where she races between stand-up bits, storytelling, and one-woman show theatrical bits... all hilarious. She riffs about being in Edinburgh, unafraid to not know where it's going for a bit, sure she'll find her comic footing. Marga is a great performer, and it's easy to watch someone so comfortable on the stage. She tells the story of auditioning for a part as a maid in a Kathleen Turner–directed made for TV movie. Though, Marga never wanted play a made, she did want to meet Kathleen Turner, so she took the audition. Fortunately for us, her Kathleen Turner impression is spot-on. So funny. But my favorite character sketch was her Ti-ti (tia, aunt) who tells little girl Marga that she is a dirty little piggie girl (cochina! cochina! cochina), and when her mother dies, little Marga will be all Ti-ti's. Disturbing, hilrious, honest. (Judges: 10!)

Review #2: Four stars! "A truly sick and perverted individual... not to be missed!"

2009-08-21T09:02:00.000-07:00

From Scotsgay Magazine
Ben Lerman’s Size Matters
Laughing Horse @ Café Renroc

Ben Lerman plays the ukulele. Oh yes, he does indeed. Passing well, too. He is also a truly sick and perverted individual performing songs that I feel sure he neither learned nor sang at mother's knee (unless he had an extremely tolerant mother). His pleasant singing voice combines with the product of considerable manual dexterity on his small but perfectly formed instruments to fill the converted subterranean bakery that adjoins Renroc's famed Rusty Water
Department. The cubby New Yorker sings of things he knows: love, loss, pirates, chubby chasers, online dating and much more... And has the intimate space rocking with not inconsiderable mirth. It's the intimacy which makes it work. And why he should be confined to the small stage - if not a padded cell. Contains strong language: not suitable for trendy bisexuals, vegetarians or the politically correct. Enter this open sewer with an open mind! As Edinburghers oft say of the last omnibus of the evening: not to be missed! —John Hein

Twentysomething, Titty Shake with Hettie Heartache, Debaucherous 2 AM Podcasting

2009-08-20T04:13:00.000-07:00

(Above: Mocha Deluxe)

Twentysomething (Judges: 10!)
Yesterday, Delfino and I saw a play written, produced, marketed, and performed by six young British actors. It's called Twentysomething and it's a story of old high school friends reconvening after a year or so apart, reconciling that friendships that once seemed so solid are actually fluid and fragile. It had some big laughs and at its best, it was like The Big Chill meets S kin s. At it's worst, it was a bad episode of Dawson's Creek. But there were more highs than lows. More levity than gravity. For a group of such young writer/performers it was truly impressive. And their marketing is unmistakeably brilliant. They look like American Apparel models and they are pulling large audiences every day. Bravo!

Titty Shake with Hettie Heartache
I've been performing on a variety show regularly called Kleine Komedie Kabaret. It's a mix of burlesque, music, comedy and drinking heavily. Like the Bowery Poetry Club in NYC. Last night a young lady who goes by the name of Hettie Heartache performed a dance called the Wings of Isis, and I caught a cool shot of it.

Debaucherous 2 AM Podcast
After doing three shows (my own then two variety shows) I met Delfino for a drink where I met the hilarious Phil Kay. He seems like a delightful lunatic and I'm looking forward to going to his show. Delfino and I proceded to our friend Stacy Mayer's house where her boyfriend (husband?) Anwar cooked up a mean feast and then we all continued drinking heavily and performed on Stacy's live video blog... It was loud. And fun.

Here's a nice photo, Renroc Pics, Stay gold Pony Boy

2009-08-19T04:05:00.000-07:00

Here's a nice photo of me that Carolyn Castiglia took. Her show is at the same time as mine so we'll never see each other's shows. Boo.

Meet Pony Boy, my bicycle. I bought Pony Boy on day two off of Gumtree (the UK's craigslist) from a Polish Rastafarian and his wife and baby. They were very sweet and the dude offered to buy it back from me at the end of the festival. The chain keeps coming off, but for the most part, Pony Boy is getting me around this hilly city all right. I hear that bikes get stolen a lot. But I don't think anybody's gonna "nick" him, because he is a piece of shit that I bought off a Polish Rastafarian. Every time I park him, I say, "Stay gold, Pony Boy."

Here are a couple of pictures of my venue, featuring the outside patio, barman/waiter Nick, and the cozy performance space downstairs.

Ladybygs and Funerals

2009-08-17T21:02:00.000-07:00

I saw two friends' shows today, my first "day off" since we started on the 6th. I went to meet a friend for an afternoon drink, then stressed about how things were going, then finally relaxed and saw two shows. My rating system is much like Reverend Jen's Antislam rating system. The judges always give the performance a 10.

Ladybug Warrior (Judges: 10!)
This is Vicki Ferrentinos' one-woman show. She explains how she ended up with a philosophy of living the life she chooses through playing a variety of characters from her life experiences, her dad, her mom, her early childhood crush. I laughed a lot, loved the show. There is something so immediately likeable about Vicki, self-aware of her Oprah-losphophizing and giggling at her own superpowers.

The Funeralogues (Judges: 10!)
Stacy Mayer plays many characters at a funeral, her 10-year old self, a southern storefront funeral director, an elderly civil rights movemnet era old man. Are they all dead? Are we all dead? The show is theatrical and open. Stacy's performance includes a lot of improv with audience members and their reactions to being at a funeral, wondering who's funeral it is that we're at... What would you want your funeral to be like? Really enjoyed the show.

Afterward I hung out with a cute boy and his merry band of 20-something thespians. They are a cast of 7 or 8 all living some sort of Big Brother scenario in a house somewhere round these parts. Tomorrow I'm doing two variety shows before my solo show, then going to try to see a show called "Misery Eats Company" by Skinny Bitch Jesus Meeting, Kate and Leah.

I'm going to try to catch shows by Matt Kirschen, Carolyn Castiglia, Desiree Burch, Kurt and Kristen, and some other funny people. Also this week is Annabel Cooper's birthday party and some other fun things to do...

Get an agent? Let the agents come to me.

Fan Art and Four Stars

2009-08-15T01:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I received my first piece of fan art from Brittney Garcia. It's beautiful. Thanks Brittney!

My first Edinburgh review has been published and it's a rave! Four of five stars from ThreeWeeks. Here's the review:

Ben Lerman’s Size Matters
Ben Lerman
“My name is Ben Lerman and I play
the ukulele.” It’s an introduction that
does not instantly cause alarm. Beware
though, as this façade of innocence is
happily deconstructed through myriad
self-composed songs centring on
Lerman’s own uncouth experiences. A
hilarious cover of Natasha Beddingfield’s
‘Unwritten’ emerges as a call for
mankind to be ‘Unshaven’. Next up is
a witty critique of Manhunt, a men’s
dating site, portrayed through ‘This
Little Piggy Went To Market’. ‘Multiple
Orgasm Pam’ extols the virtues of
female satisfaction, whilst Karl Lagerfield
is deemed, “crazier than hell” owing to
his Amish-esque catwalk collections.
Ultimately, Lerman’s musings are always
unforgiving, never modest and usually
with a sexual undertone. Wordplay at its
most hilarious!
ThreeWeeks RATING: 4/5
Laughing Horse @ Café Renroc, 6 - 30 Aug (not
17, 24), 7.30pm (8.30pm), free, fpp28.

—Nicola Merrifield

http://edinburgh.threeweeks.co.uk/review/7137

Full shows, Nutso Girl Duo, Climb Every Mountain (Drunk)

2009-08-13T08:52:00.000-07:00

Back in it to win it
Since the family debacle on Monday, my shows have been back to being full, with warm, receptive, age-appropriate crowds. I have to figure out how to shake a few more shekels out of these people for tips and merch, but the Scots are renowned for their cheapness, only following my people, the Jews, on the cheap fucker hierarchy. Still, they have been fairly generous, I just need a way to communicate to them what is a reasonable amount to tip. I'll let you know how that goes...

Warren & Hannery
I saw an amazingly cuckoo girl duo's show, Jennifer Warren and Charlotte Hannery. Both very talented at singing and clowning, comic dancing, and vagina jokes. What more can you want in a show? I'll tell you. Their show starts at 12:15 AM, and I suspect they regularly collect a fair amount of drunks at each performance. When I saw it, there was a crazy Asian-Scottish lady sitting next to me in the front row. She laughed so hard that she litterally fell over onto the floor. She then proceded to steal the show for a few minutes while Jennifer Warren had to try to go on with the show. It's the mark of seasoned performer who can incorporate those kind of shennanigans into a show and keep on trucking. Well played.

Arthur's Seat
From the window of our apartment, we have been looking at a mountain (ok, a large cliff or hill) every day and night. And last night, at 3 AM, we set out to climb it, armed with a bottle of cheap wine, a few beers, and a small makeshift candle lantern. We made to the top for sunrise and no one died. The end. Epilogue: no one ever found out why Jessica Delfino chose to dress like a refugee.

Family trouble and secret passageways

2009-08-11T03:00:00.000-07:00

The flyer for my show features a picture of me naked with a ukulele in front of my genitals and the quote "Tiny instrument, big balls... So damn funny!" Does this seem like the kind of show you want to attend with the whole family?

Last night a family (parents, teens, cousins, grandma) came to my show and sat right up front. They had no idea what lay in store and it was pretty clear from the beginning that this was going to be horrible. I tried to save it. I talked to them and confronted the elephant in the parlor head on. The elephant squashed me with one good step. I am no match for the power of family discomfort during songs about sex. Ugh. I powered through my set, talking a lot more than usual and performing about half of my set list. The best thing I can say about my show last night is that it ended.

I should say that for me it was terrible. And for the family it was terrible. But the other people who atteneded, the whole thing was amusing. And they dug a little deeper into their pockets when they saw how hard I was working to please the impossible customer. The tips were bigger from a smaller crowd than I've had the last several nights. Anyway, onward ho!

The streets in the non-touristy parts of the city (where my venue is) were dead, so I felt lucky to have an audience at all (about 20 people came) on a cold Monday after the first busy weekend of the Festival. In fact Jessica Delfino saw I was a little low and invited me to open her show. She also had a smaller audience than usual, and I realize that it makes me a bad person... but it made me feel a little better about myself. I did a couple of songs at the top and introduced Jessica and then watched her show, fell in love with her all over again. She's just such a charming motherfucker.

Jessica's playing at a venue called Jeckyll & Hyde, and they have a weird Victorian dungeon/crypt theme. Last night there was a sign on the bathroom door, redirecting gents to use the toilets upstairs in the bookshelves. What? Yep that's what it said. So I went upstairs to find a bookshelf, but the only bookshelf I saw was a solid floor to ceiling shelf of books. I pushed a little on the bookshelf and it moved a little. I kept waiting for Teri Garr's voice to tell me to "Put zee kendle beck!" But therein were the toilets, and all was well...

Tonight I'm playing two shows. One at Renroc, and one at the other establishment the Ross family owns, The Earl of Marchmont, in the cool Marchmont neighborhood.

Rhiannon returns, Chili vagina, Jamie Kilstein

2009-08-10T02:47:00.000-07:00

Rhiannon Returns
Last night I had another full house. I think there was a reviewer there, too, so I'll be keeping me eyes posted for a review. She was taking notes. And laughing a lot. I'm still not taking anything for granted. I'll be flyering every day. Rhiannon came back for a third show. (That's 3 of 4.) And this time I got photographic evidence of how cute she is.

Chili Vagina
There is a curry house called "The Chili Connection" that has a giant chili on their window. But this chili is inexplicably ringed in red dots and it appears to be vagina. If someone told you, "Take this chili, and make it look as much like a vagina as possible!" this is what you would do with it. It is striking and disturbing, and I am going to have to eat there eventually as I pass it every single day.

Jamie Kilstein
I'm not much of a political comedy fan (apart from the Stewart/Colbert hour), but I caught Jamie Kilstein's show (Assembly Rooms, Edinburgh, 9 PM, through 30 August) to watch this guy do his thing. The Brits love him. He's as left wing and liberal as possible. He might have tried homosexuality at some point in his life, only to more authentically champion the gay rights movement. It's rare that I find myself to the right of a poitical discourse, but if you are to the left of Jamie Kilstein, you probably have fallen off the political spectrum entirely, into a bronze foundry, and are now a statue in a "Worker's Square" somewhere. Jamie is a great performer, engaging and exciting to watch. Oh, and funny. My favorite bits though were not the "important" political stuff. I loved the family bits, how his brother tricks him into looking at old man porn, how he accused his father of being a terrible, unloving father and then being shocked to realize that he was a terrible teen.

Queuing for quickies, Labradorite, Defino jumps into all the boys arms, Bear party

2009-08-09T03:50:00.000-07:00

Pics: (top to bottom) 1 Long lines reflected in my 80s dead stock Italian Aviators. 2 Pretty labradorite 3 Delfino taks a jump 4 My new Bear friends Allan and Mike

I started the day by making a beautiful fritata for Mike and Jess. Leek, mushroom, and cheddar with whole grain toast, strawberries, and yogurt. Then we all split up and went our separate ways, only to see each other again at the Meet the Media Event. The Fringe organizers set up 12 tables where representatives from various news agencies came and sat down. One at a time, they interviewed Fringe participants about their shows. The queues were long. The interviews were quick. I only made it through 3 lines in 2 hours before I got the hell out of there. Ate dinner at the Mosque Kitchen. Delish.

Then my show. Another one down. I don't know where the people are coming from, but the shows have been full every night. Last night at the show, there was a nice lady who thanked me and told me that she put a little gift in the tip bucket for me. Later I pulled out a little tiny stone wrapped in paper that said "Labradorite." According to disreputable sources, "Labradorite is a stone of transformation, a useful companion through change, imparting strength and perseverance. It balances and protects the aura, raises consciousness and banishes fears and insecurities... strengthens faith in the self and trust in the universe. It stimulates the imagination and calms an overactive mind, developing enthusiasm and new ideas..." Whether or not any of that is true doesn't really matter because Labrodorite is pretty. Delfino offered to make a necklace out of it for me, so I said sure.

Speaking of that Delfino broad, her shows (and Mike's) are also going swimmingly. I decided to check out a bear party last night that a cute boy invited me to. On my way there, I passed by Delfino's venue, just as her show was getting out. Surrounded by cute Scottish 20-something boys, Delfino leapt into their arms to be photographed. The good times rolled on to the bear bar where there were a lot of fat hairy guys in kilts. But there were also some cute guys, and the boy that invited me was there. We had some drinks and some laughs and I came home.

Really the best thing I could do for myself here would be to put myself in position to drink and schmooze with people who can help my career. It's kind of gross. But it's the way things are done. And the truth is that I have a lot to offer a producer. I wouldn't be using them any more than they'd be using me... Trying to build up the nerve, I guess...

Delfino meets a princess, Euro kids still mad at Bush

2009-08-08T03:43:00.000-07:00

Jessica Delfino has a way of meeting interesting freaks. Like Bridie, for example, who is playing Ariel in the Princess Cabaret. Ariel is one of seven Disney princesses who were sitting around drinking with us last night, including Snow White, Cinderella, Jasmine, Tinkerbell, Sleeping Beauty and some other bitch I could't place. Their show takes the Disney characters and paints them with a darker tone. Sounds fun to me. I asked Ariel (Bridie) what she had in common with the other princesses. She enumerated a list of rules that Disney imposes on all their princesses. I'll try to remember them all.

1. One or both parents must be dead.
2. Step-parents are always cruel and awful.
3. The kiss of a true love will always save them.

There were more. I just can't remember right now.

As I was walking along the Royal Mile, I found out that European Children are still really really mad at George Bush. They were throwing wet sponges at him.

My show had another great audience last night, and I'm waiting for there to be a slowdown. I mean, I'm not waiting. I'm out there flyering and trying to get my show reviewed, etc. But I'm sure there are going to be some slow times. Don't want to take the good audiences for granted. One regular listener of Keith & the Girl, Rhiannon, came to both shows. At the second show, she wore the t-shirt she bought at the first show! Awesome. Thanks Rhiannon. You are a lovely girl.

There's some stupid press event today that I have to go to. I doubt it'll do any good. But you never know. Better to go and be sure it sucks than wonder later if it'll help. Sigh.

Time to make the haggis!

Opening night: SUCCESS!

2009-08-07T03:00:00.000-07:00

The first night of my show ("Ben Lerman's Size Matters") was packed (er, that's between 30 and 40 poeople in a teensy tiny basement). No seats left; people were standing. If tickets had been available, it would have been a sell-out. Speaking of which, why don't I go ahead and take a moment to address some of the audience feedback from yesterday's opening night.

"It shouldn't have been free." —Very smart lady.
"The best free show I've ever seen at the Fringe. It shouldn't be free." —Another smart lady.
"How can you do this for free?" —A practical young lad.

I signed autographs for four teenage girls who I hope have the good sense to hide the flyer from their parents. Sold some merch. All in all, it was a success, and turned out much better than I expected. I have to admit, when I first saw the teeny tiny café's basement, I was a wee bit horrified. But the space is actually really conducive to what I'm doing.

Two strange things happened when I was flyering yesterday. I gave a flyer to a 6'6" scary Scottish tranny on meth. She took it from me, glanced at it, then threw it back at me in disgust. Then she picked it up again when she saw the nudie pic of me with the uke in front of my junk and asked me, "Do they show what's below?" Big creepy smile. Usually the person getting flyered can't wait to get away from the person flyering them. This was a refreshing change of pace.

The other thing is the retards. I generally do not flyer retards, but they are so friendly and nice that I have changed my policy. If someone is visibly retarded, I go out of my way to give them a flyer. Not because I think they'll come to my show or, if they did, that they'd understand my show. I flyer them because sometimes it just nice to have a guarenteed pleasant conversation with someone. And functional retards who are making their way out in the world are some of the most pleasant people you'll find. It's a simple comfort in the brusque pace of urban flyering.

Ready. Set. No sleep. Go!

2009-08-06T02:08:00.000-07:00

Sleep is for the weak. I am weak. I require 7 to 8 hours daily. Sadly, there is no rest for the wicked. Not wanting to mix pills and booze (this is the traditional showbiz suicide cocktail), I found myself a little turbo charged from a couple of pints at 2 AM. Fell asleep at 5. Woke up at 8:30 to the banging on pipes from the construction site next door. And the border collie. They have a little call and response system going. The construction workers bang on a pipe, and the border collie barks then yelps. Then another bang and the cycle repeats. There will be a nap today before my first show at 7:30 PM.

Last night, Delfino and I played a couple of songs each at a variety show. It was fun; people loved my songs. But it was like a million degrees in the room, so people were sort of wilting after a bit. There was a reporter for the BBC who strongly resembled Professor Treelawney (Emma Thompson's character from the Harry Potter films) with what appeared to be a bird sitting on some twigs in her mess of natural, long curls. While I was on stage I had a direct view of her, and she appeared to be dying, but I spoke to her after the show, and she was indeed alive.

Then Delfino, Mike, and went to a big outdoor party (that ostensibly happens nightly) called "Hullabaloo." I predict we will be spending a LOT of time there. It was filled with 20- and 30-somethings drinking pint after pint. A couple of boys approached who'd been at the show. They liked our songs and they were funny and charming and they bought us drinks. We got a late night kebab with them at the one place remains open late.

Edinburgh - Settling in, on the radio

2009-08-05T04:06:00.000-07:00

Pics: (Top to bottom) 1 Mike Amato rests his face on the attic kitchen at LeithFM. 2 Jessica Delfino sets up shop in her princess bed. 3 View of Nicholson St. from a double-decker bus. 4 You can see Arthur's seat from our window. 5 Jessica Delfino flips us off as she ascends the staircase to stardom.

Jessica, Mike, and I are settling in to our Edinburgh flat. We just had our first family meeting and I'm happy to report that no one was stabbed. I know what you're thinking: Doesn't sound like a family meeting, then! We all have mutual respect and admiration for each other here in the house, and that makes living together much easier. Still, I'm melting my toothbrush into a shiv, sleeping with it under my piloow — just in case.

Last night, all three of us were guests on LeithFM, an all volunteer-run radio station, to promote our shows. Our hosts, Annabel and Jonathan were very cool. On Friday, Annabel is going to take me out to some hotspots. Oh, and Leith, a village to the north of Edinburgh (incorporated?) is the hom of Irvine Welsh, setting for Trainspotting. Dead babies, start your ceiling-crawling!

My venue is tiny teensy tiny... and awesome! Café Renroc will fill pretty quickly, needing only an audience of 10 to make it seem full. The best part of the situation is the owners, Jane and Billy, and their staff. Billy is Glaswegian and I can't understand a fucking thing he says. Well, I'm starting to. Billy and Jane are both massage therapists, and attatched to the café is their health spa. As a welcome gift to me, they bought me a massage with one of their staff therapists, a 6'2" blond Norwegian woman named Evie.

Our first shows are tomorrow. Time to make the Haggis!

Match Game Live with Andrew WK, Mo Rocca was a BLAST!

2009-07-28T08:48:00.000-07:00

What a great cast: Andrew W.K., Mo Rocca, Myka Fox, Rev Jen Miller, and Ketih & the Girl. So awesome. We all had a lot of fun, and said the f word often. Except for Mo who had more intelligent things to say. Like "The Christian Science Monitor is actually no longer in print so they'd have to print it out at their local library." It made a lot of sense at the time. You had to be there. Don't miss the next one: September 27 at Bowery Poetry Club.

Friday at Sidewalk Cafe - Ben & Jessica Are Besties in Love

2009-06-24T09:07:00.000-07:00

Ben and Jess are headed to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival together this year and will be performing some highlights from their upcoming shows. They will sing songs songwriter circle style for an hour, making beautiful sweet love to each other and you the audience through their music and comedy (and not with their genitals, no exceptions). DON'T MISS IT!

Afterwards, we're headed to dance at We R the Handclaps at Nowhere bar where the queer rock party is celebrating their 2 year anniversary. Come hang with us before we leave for Scotland!

Facebook Event Page

"Black Mess" - If only Edith Massey were still alive!

2009-06-20T17:41:00.000-07:00

The only way this song and video would make sense is if John Waters directed it and he sent Edith Massey streaking across the screen in a pleather two-piece. Crossover, a vaguely German band via Portland, Oregon, strikes all the hilariously wrong moves with their new release "Black Mess," landing them squarely in the "so bad it's good" pleasure center of my brain.

Lyrics: "You're not magical / You're a zombie/ Eat your cell phone / So fuck you!" Be sure to hang in there for the Metal-hands MONEY SHOT at 3:02. The disappointingly brief vomit scene (he's puking up his own disgust for society) happens just before at 2:51. Thank you, Crossover for this refreshingly horrible delight!

Text messaging champ crowned, test not realistic

2009-06-17T06:15:00.000-07:00

She's got thumbs of gold and nerves of steel. Kate Moore, 15, from Des Moines, Iowa, won $50K in a text messaging competition that tested agility, concentration, and speed. In other words, she was able to text the first stanza of "Zip-a-dee-doo-dah" while walking a treadmill with foam block obstacles thrown in her way.

I feel like the real challenge of text messaging could never be tested by a 15-year-old... at least, not legally. In my text messaging competition, contestants would be blindfolded and dropped at a bar they've never been to. They would be forced to do shots of tequila (or whiskey). Then someone would steal their wallet. Without knowing where they are, they'd have to find their way home gathering information only from text messages.

For the finals, the contestants would have to order illicit drugs via text message to be delivered to them without explicitly asking for the drugs. They would not be forced to do the drugs, however contestants would have to pay for them. The drugs will be confiscated by the competition committee, i.e. me, and they should be of good quality. Then, contestants would again be forced to do shots until they vomit. The first person to recover from vomiting and text me, "2 AM! Again. LOL! What are you doing? can I come over?" wins!

Gayxorcism

2009-06-09T14:50:00.000-07:00

Please don't confuse this with gayxercising (which pertains to activities like rollerblading and synchronized swimming). This is a full on gayxorcism of a "homosexual spirit." The boy in question flops around in the floor while the others shout things like, "In the name of Jesus, right now, GET OUT!! GET OUT!!" I recommend just watching a minute or so starting at 3:15 or so. That's when she whips the air around the boy in question, whipping the aura of homosexual demon into submission. It's just 10 minutes of crazy. Crazy FUN!!! Which is why I have just signed up for a gayxorcism of my own! I can't wait for the flopping!

Of course she works at Betsy Johnson

2009-06-07T06:50:00.001-07:00

This explosion of flavor was running back to work and was kind enough to pose for a pic before she hurried off. I was not surprised to learn she worked at the Betsy Johnson shop on the Bowery. She owned the over-the-top '80s glam aerobics-meets-nightlife thing, and she brightened my day. Notice the matching pink calculator!

Just a little Thursday morning Dolemite

2009-06-04T08:47:00.001-07:00

Every day is worth waking up to if you are this guy that I spotted on my way to the gym this morning. It was 9:30 AM, and I snapped this pic on Clinton between East Broadway and Grand. Yes, that's right. In front of the post office. But he didn't stop. He was going to deliver the contents of that briefcase in person. No postage required! Thank you, sir, for I diggeth and picketh up what thou hast put down.

Can you tell me how to get ahold of Dolemite these days? I have his boom mic, and I need to get it back to him.

Total Eclipse of the Art

2009-06-03T13:59:00.000-07:00

I just can't stop watching it. (Thanks Sean, for posting it the other day.) I am insanely jealous that I didn't think of doing this first. I might have to bite it. I'm trying to resist stealing other people's material until later in my career... but this is just too good. I'm going to have to make one eventually.

"Staring at the swim team gets you killed by a gang of dancing ninja men who know how to twirl."

Genius.

Happy happy joy joy

2009-06-02T11:08:00.000-07:00

A new study has determined that achieving fame, wealth, and good looks has nothing to do with happiness. So why am I not happier??? The study says that happiness comes from personal growth and intrinsic crap like that. While I'm not entirely unconvinced, I'd still like to lose 30 pounds.

Losing One's Head in Maine

2009-05-30T12:11:00.000-07:00

WARNING:
What you are about to read is details of a disgusting true crime story. Please don't read this if it will upset you. I'm talking to you, Alice.

A friend in Portland (who knows the perpetrator, but not the victim) began delivering the details of this story to me as they came out in the press this week. It is such a disturbing tale, I assumed he was pulling the story from the catalogue of Newbury Comics, the story he manages. I knew it was time to google down the facts.

Investigators find body in burning apartment on Monday night (5/25)
Fire was set to cover up murder
Chad Gurney, 27, known around the Portland scene as a nice, thoughtful guy, arrested, entered no plea
Former lacrosse champion, Gurney lived off a settlement from 2005 team bus accident, played for Liberty College, religious school founded by Jerry Falwell
Reports of mental instability, but no history of violence
Victim: 18-year-old Zoe Sarnacki
Gurney allegedly cut off her head with a samurai sword
Unsubstantiated claims say Gurney allegedly had sex with her headless body, sodomized her with a crucifix and torched her

Please let me know if you find reputable sources reporting that the last bullet point is true. I need to know. And I need to see the episode of Law & Order they base on this story.

2009-05-29T05:49:00.000-07:00

Jen Biederman and I are doing a show tonight at SideWalk Café at 8 PM sharp. Come on out and listen to us sing funny songs. We're going to make you laugh while you enjoy two items from the reasonably priced and delicious food and drink menu at the SideWalk Café. (94 Ave. A at the corner of 6th St.).

We start at 8 pm sharp and will wrap up by 8:50. Come hang out with us and toast to a busy summer.

Smell Yo Keith & the Girl

2009-05-29T05:03:00.000-07:00

Doug Russell heard me on the Keith and the Girl show on Tuesday, talking nonsese with those guys for a couple hours... I also sang a last-minute duet of Smell Yo Dick with the Girl, Chemda... After a couple of false starts, we finally hit our stride. Doug edited out the the false starts, rewriting history, and sent me an mp3 of it...

Thanks Doug!

Here's the "Smell Yo Dick" mp3 by me and Chemda and Doug.

b

Provincetown Memorial Day Weekend

2009-05-26T08:06:00.000-07:00

Memorial Day weekend in Provincetown is Women's Weekend, and the place is overrun with crazy lesbos. Some crazy gays too. People get drunk and act a fool at night and get drunk and mill about looking at stores during the day. I went up there with Chantal Carrere and Claudia Cogan to do a comedy show at the UU Meting House. We barked on the street to the thousands of people and got a good crowd to chanté, stay, while some people decided to sashay away.

Claudia described the atmosphere as "a cross between a women's collegiate athletics conference and Guantanamo Bay." I think that's pretty right on. It was fun and yet a little bit like water boarding. Hope to get back up there this summer.

Badass Burlesque at the Bowery Poetry Club

2009-05-18T06:43:00.000-07:00

Badass is a fun show, usually a little darker or more twisted than regular burlesque. The theme for the evening was Janis Joplin. And my friend Diane hosted, doing a real burlesque routine, and an amazing job of keeping up the Janis persona all night long. Yes, those are pot leaf pasties.

Colleen Crumbcake and the Pantone 292

2009-05-17T10:29:00.000-07:00

My friend Colleen started Pantone 292 in 2005. It's a CD club where membership is limited to 20 or fewer. Once a year, you make a mix CD and send it to everyone in the club. The rest of the year, you receive mixes from everyone else.

This kind of thing is hit or miss. But Colleen is a professional DJ and she's friends other pro DJs and one-time DJs and music lovers in general. The mixes are always interesting. I have to go through and scan the cover art from CDs I've received over the last four and a half years of Pantone 292. The music is great. Sometimes there are lyrical themes, sometimes genre themes, and sometimes great songs get shoved together for no rhyme or reason. But no matter what, every mix exposes me to a piece of music I wasn't familiar with. I don't always love the new stuff, but it's so nice to have a group of people saying collectively, "This is what we listen to."

Here are some of the CD covers I've made in the past:

2006, "Now That's What I Call Pantone!" Vol. 10

2007, "Friends of Mine"

2008, "Anatomically Yours"

My month isn't until October this year, but I'm feeling inspired. I think I'm going to make a mix for my new boyfriend. ("I miss you, but I haven't met you yet," Bjork.) Or maybe I'll make a mix for the Somali Pirates. ("Left my soul there, out on the sea," Morcheeba.) Or maybe I'll make a mix for Jessica Delfino's cat, Miss Puss. ("I'm gonna pounce! Pounce!" Nellie McKay.) It's like scrapbooking. But less embarrassing.

Open Letter to the docors of Seattle Grace Hospital

2009-05-14T21:19:00.000-07:00

(Grey's Anatomy season finale Spoiler Alert.)

Dear Drs. Izzie Stevens and George O'Malley,

You are both dead. I think. I'm not sure. You are both definitely wearing formal attire and bathed in soft-focus glamor lighting. It is confusing and annoying that I don't know if you're dead or not. But the truth is, you have both been dead for years. I don't know why I've stayed with you this long. Lord knows it's been years since either of you has said anything interesting. But dead or not, it's over between us.

After months of chemo and brain surgery, Izzie, you started to regain your short term memory. Everything was looking up, and then you coded. I don't if you are dead or not because the last time they hit you with the defibrillator, your body jumped into the air, and Meridith Grey started voice-of-god narrating over the credits. Will you make yet another miraculous recovery?

George, I call you McDoughy because you are an average looking guy a doughy face and body and you are on a show where the male doctors are called things that start with Mc and end in y. The writers of Grey's Anatomy threw you under the bus. Literally. And just as you were doing something half-way interesting and way out of character — joining the army. Now, you are going into surgery and nobody thinks you are going to live. I do think you'll live because unlike the actress who plays Izzie Stevens, you have not won any Emmys and you do not have a demanding film career.

Regardless of how this turns out, I have to say goodbye to both of you. I am done with you and all the rest of the doctors. I can't endure the trauma any longer. I must sever all ties with Seattle Grace and all of its health care professionals. I will no longer get sucked into medical dramas unless they are happening to people I know personally.

So goodbye Merideth, Christina, Alex, Bailey, McDreamy, McSteamy, and Chief. Everytime you tell me everything's going to be OK, a bus full of teens dies on their way to prom. Or an icicle stabs straight through one of your chests and pins you to the ground. Or a death row murderer wants to donate his organs to a dying child, thus presenting a moral dilemma. I can't handle the weekly trauma. I can't go on living like this.

So dead or not, I'm leaving you all behind. Don't try to persuade me with new graphics, new characters, cliffhanger reveals... Nothing will work. I'm moving on. Glee looks like it's going to be good, and I need to free up the time.

Thank you, doctors, for all of the drama. But if I have to endure brain surgery every week, I can't help but wonder what is wrong with our medical system. Say hi to Addison for me, and if you have to pick between George and Izzie... I guess pick McDoughy, but I won't be around in September to find out.

Love and goodbye,
Ben Lerman

Sweet serendipity

2009-05-12T23:39:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you stumble into the right place at the right time and something unexpected and good happens. Really. No, really. Tonight, I walked into Sweet at the Slipper Room, Seth Herzog's long-running, well-respected, well-attended comedy show on the Lower East Side. It always attracts top talent, and I just went in to watch a great comedy show. I said hello to Seth, and he asked me to fill in for a last-minute cancellation. I accepted immediately, and got to share a bill with Seth, Baron Vaughn, and Todd Barry. Oh, and Seth's mom (who appears in every show, this time as sidekick). It was unexpected and good. See? I told you. These things happen sometimes. I have a crush on Seth's mom because someone in the audience mentioned narwhal whales and she explained that they have unicorn-like horns that they rub together as foreplay before making whale babies. And she raised Seth, who seems like a real mensch to me. Well done, Mama Herzog.

Ben's Secret Diary is moving here.

2009-05-09T11:30:00.000-07:00

Hello,

If you used to read my blog at benlerman.net, it's switching over to here. That seems foolish to tell you since you are here right now reading this. But then, how should I know where you are?

You might be on the other side of this series of tubes, chained to a radiator in a forgotton warehouse in eastern Europe, your last stop on the way to being sold into sex slavery. If that is the case, please bookmark this page, as you might want to return to it later, but then proceed to contacting the website of the FBI or Interpol or whatever authority is most suited to your needs. At some point you may want to reexamine your need for ukulele comedian blather over self-preservation. Maybe you're using my undeniably hilarious website as a coping mechanism for dealing with the hopeless predicament you're in. It can't be fun to be chained to an unworking radiator in a dilapidated warehouse, not knowing what new horror will come for you. And that is so powerful to me. To know that I have brought joy to one prisoner en route to sex slavery... It's like a dream come true. That's why I first picked up a ukulele.

I might have successfully incorporated this blogspot blog into the homepage of my iWeb fan site, benlerman.net by now, so maybe you are reading this at benlerman.net. Or maybe you are reading this blog for the first time. In which case, none of this is of any consequence and has only succeeded in boring you to death. I'm sorry if you are dead. Otherwise, be well, and remember not to complain too much about the sex slavery or they will just kill you and get a new one.

All of my love to you always and forever,
Ben